I saw the most abhorrent thing at the theatre yesterday

Well, not really, but it was pretty bad. I'm sitting in my local, crappy second-run theatre, getting myself ready to watch Grizzly Man, when up jumps a Jaguar commercial. Now, please, the whole bitching about commercials preceding a movie is tired. Just like the gas-price hike: we fought, we fought, we failed. Or maybe big business just screwed us over. Whatever - that's not the point. The point is this Jaguar commerical started playing. Usually I'm over this type of thing, but this commerical was the most ridiculous type of vapid, facadical (yeah, sure it's a word) dreck I have seen in a good long while. In case you haven't seen it - thereby being lucky - I'll outline it for a you.

A man with a stuffy British accent (nothing against the Brits - Bangers & Mash, God Save the Queen, Call Scotland Yard!, Bloody Awful Weather, &c.) details the meaning of the word gorgeous while a backdrop of beautiful cars, women, and jewelry plays on the screen. Now, not to sound like a prick, but I don't need some Union Jack explaining to me the meaning of gorgeous, my American Professors are doing a fine enough job, thank you very much. But - BUT! - far worse than this lame-ass pedagogy is what this fine automobile manufacturing company tries to pass off as gorgeous. Air-brushed bodies, unattainable vehicles, a slow-motion nightlife where everyone's make-up and dress stay in place in spite of the bottomless Cosmo loyally beside? And then phrases like (very much "like," in fact - I didn't write these buggers down), "Gorgeous looks gorgeous after waking up from a night of absolutely retarded, farcical partying" (Editorial liberty taken, of course.) Basically the message is thus: if you want to be gorgeous, you must look exactly like we do, drive the cars we do, and spend exorbitant amounts of money in the ways that we do. Granted, this isn't a very original bitching job either, but it's still something worth bitching about. In our days of celebrities who are celebrities for the plain fact that they're already famous (huh?), it seems more appropriate than ever that we maintain some semblance of, I don't know, anti-asininity. Thankfully, there was a collective laugh and boo from the commercial viewing audience, so at least we got that going for us.